just a little bit of art

so, here's a little bit of art that i've done recently. actually, in painting, last spring. i figured i'd throw these out there, so if anyone (of my nonexistent readers) wants to shoot me some feedback, i'd be more than happy to listen. seeing that i've just changed my major to fine arts, i'd better get good at what i do, so please tell me what you think. thanks :-)

at home on a rainy day

dead was i, yet alive

one last door...

thanks...a lot

untitled #1


untitled #2

there ya go, hope you like it.

i do not exist

i oftentimes get this feeling that i am not meant to be here. no, i don't mean here in oklahoma (though i sometimes wonder what i really am doing here). i mean this earth. this existence. this physical understanding and temporal substance of which we're made just doesn't seem to cut it. to be honest, i'd have to say that i'm not content. i'm not at home, and frankly, i'm uncomfortable with most of the goings on that surround me.

yes, there are certainly good things and true things that are a reflection of the one who is greater than i, and for those things i am exceptionally grateful. however, the more life i live (yes, all 20 years of it) and the more things i experience, the more dissatisfied i grow with the status quo. i don't know, maybe that's why i feel such a draw to nature and escaping the manufactured surroundings we've all grown so accustomed to. i certainly can see why God has put such a wonderful young lady in my life. the love we share is definitely something that is not of this world, and the greater our love grows, the more i want to leave this earth. thank you God, for such a wonderful caring family, both biological and spiritual. i don't know where i'd be if it wasn't for people i'd be going home with.

jesus says that the truth sets us free. freedom. what a beautiful concept -- ideal, but never fully attainable while bound in this physical shell. we will always experience limitations of some sort until we're swept away into our heavenly home. as the apostle paul put it, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." the more i think about those things, the more i'm lead away from this existence to something more. i'm drawn into something much greater than myself; something so massively incredible that it's completely incomprehendable. until we lose ourselves in this greatness, we will never be free.

i guess it's safe for me to say that i do not exist. apart from God, my presence here is meaningless. the only thing of value that truly exists in and of itself is God. every good and perfect thing flows from him, so when i do see the good that can happen in this world; when i do see things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy, it gives me hope that there is something better awaiting me once this life is over with.

i guess c.s. lewis had it right when he stated, "if i find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that i was made for another world."

pardon the somewhat stream-of-consciousness -- i'm just thinking and trying to convey it in a readable, reasonable manner. after all, it is late, and i must be going to sleep now. with that, i bid you (whoever you may be) goodnight, and may the peace from our heavenly father guard your spirit.